I had already decided to grow out my hair. Two weeks ago, while staring at my reflection, I turned to my boyfriend and said: “It needs to be long.” I still remember the moment I finally chopped it all off. It was only last summer, after all. And I’d only been waiting to do it for years.
The comment didn’t help any. “Heyy boys…” our bartender greeted. It was so hilarious at the time, I had to stop myself from laughing. My boyfriend didn’t say a word. It was a while after, as we were leaving from our lunch date that I realized that the comment had bothered me.
Truly, it shouldn’t have. I’ve made the mistake of buying into other people’s opinions before. You never end up anywhere fun living like that. And I loved my hair; still love my hair. It had been a long time in the making. A choice I’d been talked out of numerous times by stylists who all thought they knew better. A pixie wouldn’t “fit my face”. I should just try something chin-length instead. I’d done it all before, and never been happy with the result. So when I finally let myself have it, when I stopped taking no for an answer, I felt amazingly free. The cut looked fantastic, and beyond that, it was sexy!
Having short hair has this instant effect of helping you stand out in a crowd. It’s so simple to look put-together, cute, and trendy all at once! And honestly, I spent so much less time getting ready in the morning. The downside of being a girl and cutting off all your hair is that people tend to jump to some pretty wild conclusions about you. I’d gotten the lesbian comments more than once; the disapproving stares from older people, or better yet–men. But none of it had ever fazed me.
Until the moment I realized… I was done having short hair.
The problem with going super short is, it’s not as quick to get it back as it is to take it off. It’s something you go into knowing, and yet it still doesn’t change the urge you get the instant you decide you want something new. I no longer wanted short hair. I wanted longer hair again, more freedom to straighten, curl, and style. Up-do’s and beachy waves! I wanted it all back. And the terrible thing was, I wanted it now. Not mid-length hair, either; but down to your chest, flowing locks – which sadly, just don’t come overnight. Believe me, I’ve hoped I’d wake up like Harry Potter, but alas, no such luck.
The thing about making a decision for yourself is that you know you’re doing it for you. It’s something you’re already set-on; eager for, so to speak. But hearing others emphasize the things you lack that you’re working to reclaim… it’s super discouraging to say the least. I felt like a conformist. Like I was changing who I was to please the generalized public opinion. And that’s the worst feeling when all you’re trying to do is fulfill your desires. How had I suddenly grown ashamed of what was on my head? Because of something a man in a bar said, offhandedly? That simply couldn’t be the case. My boyfriend (the only person who matters) thinks I’m the hottest thing on earth, and he tells me so, every damn day. So what was going on here?
In simplest terms, it’s our own insecurities that leave us vulnerable. The moment I decided I no longer looked my best with a cropped ‘do, every oggle and backhanded comment became a missile aimed straight at my face. We leave ourselves open to attack when we’re uncertain of ourselves, and the biggest lesson I learned here is that standing by your choices also sometimes means living with them. Even if it also means suffering through something largely uncomfortable.
In the meantime, I’m just going to soldier on; see my hairstylist frequently, and have some fun experimenting with hats and head scarves! The upside is, I’ve never looked at my hair with so much potential before. This is going to be a truly great time to accessorize, and frankly, I can’t wait.
Stay strong, ladies! And remember, whatever you wear, to do so with confidence.